Magna Gopal
About Leading and Following
The dance is most definitely a dialogue between leader, follower, music and environment. The best relationships, and this applies to dance as well, is when people can meet each other half way and communicate. There are no commands and orders - everything is a suggestion. A good follower will usually agree to the suggestions being offered and at times if she's thinking about the pain in her foot or something of the sorts might actually decline to do as suggested. And a leader, through his connection with the follower is always listening to what she's saying she likes, what she feels comfortable with and what challenges she's willing to take on.
The leading and following roles that I play vary with my partner. When leading a beginner dancer, my moves are very simple and my focus is on the follower making sure she feels comfortable and is having fun. Leading more advanced followers allows me to be more creative and play around - sometimes I make up new moves and sometimes I totally screw them up. But because the person I am dancing with is advanced enough to hold her own and often someone I have a very good rapport with, our dance is still enjoyable.
As a follower, the same rules apply. When I dance with beginners that don't know very many moves or feel shy then I focus on them, and just do what they ask of me. When I dance with more advanced dancers with really strong/rough leads I try to tame the dance, or I tend to let go more because I feel safer on my own.
When I dance with an advanced dancer that's smooth with a soft lead but is heavily pattern oriented, then I just have fun following and play a little bit where I can. When dancing with an advanced dancer who has a good frame and also enjoys playing with me then I let loose. Of course all of this also depends on the music. I have danced with my favourite dancers to songs that don't incite my passion and the dance is more just patterns. But I can have a great time with even beginner dancers if I really like the song.
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Lead and Follow - Beginners Thinking It Through
Most clearly identifiable is the thought process. With a beginner/intermediate dancer, often there's a lot of thought put into the lead. "What should I do next?" "Uhh, I forgot that move, damn!" "Hmm, how do I do that move again?" "Is she having fun?" "Damn, where did all these people come from?"
In that dance, the beginner/intermediate dancer usually shows all of these thoughts through facial expressions, body language and lead. It's almost a feeling of uncertainty and lots of questions. With the advanced dancer, though the thoughts of what to do next, keeping in mind all the people around, and is my partner having fun still exist, he tends to have an easier time of posing the questions, answering them and still maintain a consistent connection with the follower through facial expression, body language and lead.
Dancing with the beginner/intermediate dancer sometimes puts me on edge, as being around anyone who looks tense would put most people on edge. Usually, I try to lighten the mood so that they can relax more. Dancing with the advanced dancer is much more relaxed and flowing because I can focus solely on following and not worry about also providing answers to his questions.
There are, on occasions, beg/int dancers who are very comfortable with what they know but usually when they dance with someone more advanced than themselves, they get preoccupied with, "Is she bored?" And for those who may think this, personally, I have fun doing basics as long as my partner is connected with me so don't worry about if she's bored. Look at it as a moment to enjoy yourself, practice what you know and progress.
So, in your recon stage, understand that the reason one person may be smoother might have more to do with an internal level of comfort than years of experience. Take what you know and try to be more comfortable with it. There are so many ways to move around in a closed position with just basic steps. Try to get more comfortable with the variety of ways you can execute the moves you already know and I think you will find yourself progressing much faster.
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Notes for the Leader
Focusing on just one thing in leading when there are so many aspects of will not create a good leader. Just like focusing only on spotting for spins or only on core muscles for spins will not create a good spinner. Given that there isn't one thing I would like to narrow that down to, here are a few:
Frame
Using more of the entire frame of the body - large muscles of the core, back, chest, shoulders, laterals - to lead instead of just small muscle groups like biceps, triceps, and forearms.
Tension
Particularly in the fingers because even without taking a step just a slight change of direction in your fingers if you have your frame engaged and proper tension can provide a signal to a follower, assuming that your follower also employs her frame in this manner.
Timing
You could have the above and not understand how to keep time while doing your patterns and the dance wouldn't be as rough to the follower but would be quite confusing.
Attentiveness
Be aware of the follower's dance level and challenge the follower without making them feel uncomfortable; this might mean dropping 90% of the moves you know but for 5 minutes, it's a small sacrifice we can all make.
Etiquette
This isn't stressed enough. But asking a lady, especially if you aren't best buddies, to dance instead of just grabbing her hand and pulling to the floor is a courtesy that is sometimes lacking. And if you see people having a conversation and again, don't know them well enough to butt in, then come back at a better time to ask for the dance. If the dance floor is full and finding space to dance will risk injury to you, your partner or someone else in the vicinity, skip the song.
Always say thank you, please, etc and if they mess up and apologize, an "it's ok" is also appropriate. We all make mistakes - yes..all of us - and sometimes it's not even our fault, but we apologize anyways. Acknowledge it and try to have fun for the rest of the dance. Another point on common courtesy: if you hit someone, bump into someone, or someone does that to you turn around and acknowledge it. If you wouldn't conduct yourself in that manner among strangers on the street then the dance floor among fellow salseros and friends is definitely not the place to do so.
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Notes for the Follower
Frame
Use the same larger core muscle groups - large muscles of the core, back, chest, shoulders, laterals - that the leader uses, when following. Rather the entire body follows the lead, instead of the arms being "pulled out of the sockets" in a move.
Tension
Also try to have good tension in the fingers/hands without gripping the leader's hands. Sometimes this is becomes a vicious cycle. Ladies grip the guys' hands, the guys start using their thumbs more, the ladies grip harder, and so it continues. I really dislike when guys grab my hands and squeeze in with their thumbs. I wiggle my way out of it. I've learned through experience that it's too dangerous of a position to be in while dancing.
Anticipation
Anticipation is one of the things that followers are sometimes guilty of, including myself. The best way to guard against this is to dance with as many different people as possible, especially in your first few years. This way, there's so much variety in leads that you don't get too accustomed to any one lead.
Timing
Be aware of your timing especially when dancing with someone who does not keep timing well. If at least one of you has a good foundation here, you can keep the other person in line as well.
Self-awareness & Correction
I should have mentioned this for the guys as well, but this is an important point for getting better. Before you can fix your mistakes and bad habits, you have to be aware of them. So when you're dancing with different leads and you realize that you anticipated or went off time, try to analyze that moment, avoid repeating it and fix it for the future. This is a trial & error process most of the time so don't worry if it doesn't work the first or even fifth time. But don't lose heart and keep on being active in the learning process.
Attentiveness
Exact same concept as for the guys. Tone down your styling and dance to match your partners. If he's more advanced he should accommodate the follower's level.
Etiquette
Most of the time, in the salsa scene men ask women out to dance. If you don't want to dance with someone, be nice about it. And if you want to get better, don't wait for the leader to ask you, just go out and dance with whomever you like.
Resources
MagnaGopal.com